Now we here at 40cozy don’t recommend the use of drugs…or, wait, do we? I don’t know, I’ll have to look it up in the company handbook. Well if you’re bored this afternoon and curious what brain candy you should buy from the guy in apartment 46B, then take the quiz.

They test on a variety of factors such as your preferred mood, length of experience, your desired effects and undesired maleffects. If you want to believe you’re in a shape-shifting lizard king in a world made of jelly bean tetris blocks, then check this box. If you don’t want to believe that a million tiny Barbara Streisand-headed spiders are eating your flesh, then check this box.

Afraid of lasting brain or organ damage? You can indicate that on the test, eliminating most of the fun ones from your list. What did I want? To be a shape shifting Streisand-headed lizard king eating the jelly bean flesh of a million tetris blocks. The usual.