Edward 40 Hands is a great time had by all…well, all who can drink two 40’s. If you can’t, read on anyways because we have another option for you. According to wikipedia (the source of all truth) the game is also known as “80 oz to freedom” and “The 40 Challenge.” Whatever you call it, here’s the rules:
1. Have a friend duct tape a 40 oz of malt liquor to each hand (or both hands to one 40oz if you’re taking it easy). The last person to tape in will have a harder time, but with some ingenuity they can manage.
2. Nobody can remove the 40’s from their hands until they’re finished drinking all 80 ounces of beer.
That’s it, those essentially are the two official rules. You can add some competition to the game by racing to finish, but completing the game is a solid accomplishment, so I wouldn’t worry about racing. You are allowed to go to the bathroom, answer the phone, have a smoke, whatever – that is, as long as your hands are still taped to those quickly-warming 40oz beers. If you can do that, cheers. It’s funny though, I’ve seen some very awkward times when a slow-drinking gent has to request a male friend to pull his pants zipper down. And that’s really just half the battle to emptying the bladder. The other half requires a weird wiggle dance…I guess you’ll figure it out if you have to.
The true beauty of the 40cozy is displayed when you use two 40cozy’s, one on each hand. With these on your paws, you’ll be able to take as long as you want, as your beer won’t become warm for a long time. The only thing that will rush your drinking is the increasing urge to urinate.
Don’t worry about the duct tape ruining the 40cozy’s, they come out looking great afterward. Next time you and your friends are sitting around with nothing to do, go buy a case of 40’s and strap up. Drink strong!