I was on a 40 oz. (Old English) tear that summer. My best friend and his Dad would pick me up an we would cruise the city drinking 40’s in his Dad’s ‘81 El Camino. This one particular night the Old Gold was hitting me hard. After I downed my first one, we stopped at a liquor store to get some more. My friend and his Dad go in the store and tell me to stay in the car. They enter and I say “Fuck this!” and head in the store myself with a big shit-eating grin on. I see the store clerk mopping so I pull an Ezel from Friday and fall flat on my ass on purpose and yell “I’m suing y’all!”, bringing down a couple of bags of chips with me. Needless to say, a scene was made. So my friend’s Dad (who we call Cheech cause, well, he looks like Cheech Marin) is buying the beers and making small talk to alleviate any tension I have created. He’s telling them about how he used to work down the street at a mechanic’s shop and how he “came here all the time” and I proceed to beligerantly say “Cheech, shut the fuck up. They don’t give a fuck about that shit. Buy the beer and let’s go!”. The only thing I hear after that is my best friend giggling and the clerk telling Cheech how much the beer is. So, after we get the beer, we cruise for a while we stop at a park so me and my friend can smoke a litlle doobie. (His Dad was cool like that). So, we get to smoking and Cheech, who was a little sad I made him look like a dick, starts fucking with me. We get to fucking around and it turns into a slap boxing match. I give him a good one to his kisser and he gets pissed and proceeds to chase me. He says he’s gonna leave me and he jumps in the El Camino. I jump in the back and try to give him a punch in the shoulder, miss, and end up giving him a good shot to the left side of his head. My friend Raul, his son, said his head actually rattled between my fist and the head rest. This was an accident of course but he couldn’t see that so he zoomed off and left me there to make my own way home. So I’m sitting on a bench thinking about how the fuck I’m gonna get home and some hussies in a convertible cruise by. They could tell I wasn’t a hobo so they asked me what I was doing here alone. So I tell them my side of the story and they say, in their best drunken latina accent, “Thass fucked uuup, A!” and offer to give me a ride home. So right when I’m about to jump in I hear the El Camino speeding around the corner coming back. Cheech and Raul came back to pick me up. As soon as they pull up they get tag-teamed by these to girls. One of them started kicking the El Camino and kept asking Cheech “Why you leave him for?”. The other was trying to get in Raul’s face and Raul starts holding her back by the tits. He’s smiling at me cause his palming this chick’s tits while she’s trying to yell at him for leaving me. The other girl is still kicking the car and yelling and Cheech leans over to me and says “If this bitch kicks the truck one more time, I’m gonna slap her ass”. She kicks the car and Cheech open hand slaps her in mid-kick. The brut force throws her balance off and she falls flat on her ass. I didn’t think he’d do it, but he did and I love him for it. So she hits the ground and looks at Cheech shocked as fuck and says “Why the fuck you heet me for, A?” and the other girl starts yelling the same shit. We jump in the El Camino and drive away leaving the two gangster bitches at the park still wondering why the fuck Cheech hit them for, A.

I might let her kick my El Camino.

K here goes,

My name is Casey and I was an alcoholic. Well all my friends from college and I were, but that’s not the point. I live in Rochester Hills Michigan right next to Oakland University. Now I know a lot of you people out there dont know anything about Oakland U, but there is one thing you should know. There are 4 to 1 girls to guys on that campus. And most of the chicks around here are pretty wealthy, thus well taken care of by daddy and amazingly hot. Well my buddies and I used to have house parties at my crib at least 2 nights a week, from the time I was 21 to…. well… now. And one of these such parties was by far the best. We play this game called Edward 40 hands.  The object of the game is to finish both 40’s before the other people playing. The loser is the one who either, throws up, pisses their pants, or is the last to finish. And if you are unfortunate enough to lose, then you have to bun run around the house with the whole party taunting you the whole time. Now back to the story. It was a saturday night and I had 6 or 7 of my good friends over, who by the way never pull any tail, EVER. And my buddy Matt, who is the only one besides me who isnt vaginally challenged enough to score some poon. So naturally Matt and I start calling some girls, telling everyone we were having a bonfire and to bring 40’s for the game. Well little did we know that the girls we called had a sister sorority in from texas, and were bringing 20 or so smoking hott girls over with them. So about a half hour goes by and we are starting to hit the sauce pretty heavy, when ding-dong, the girls showed up. It was like fucking Christmas morning! All these smoking hot southern belles come waltzing in like they fuckin own the place and my friends jaws hit the floor. And the best part was not only were these girls incredibly gorgeous, they brought around sixty-five 40’s with them. I guess the chicks we know had told the other girls about our little game, and the Texans thought they had what it took to hang with the big boys. They had no idea what they were getting themselves into. So right away we start off with some whiskey shots, then body shots of tequila, and some interesting shots of Ouzo out of some girls perfectly round ass-crack. Needless to say the night was starting off pretty good. So after about an hour of pretty heavy drinking, one of the girls starts saying how she is going to whoop our asses in Edward 40 hands. Yeah right. You see the trick to Edward 40 hands is you have to pee right before you start, and drink both 40’s really fast so you can get un-taped and go piss. Otherwise your fucked and it will sit in your stomach to long and you’ll puke, or piss your pants. So we tape up all the girls and ourselves. But we changed the rules a little bit. The losing TEAM has to do a bun run, guys vs. girls. Well lets just say it wasnt a fair fight, because we had been doing this for years and these girls were borderline drunk already. What happened next was so funny I almost pissed my pants watching it go down. A couple of the girls actually finished pretty quick, but by then all us guys were done. And hammered. The ones that finished immediatly puked, then started fucking with the ones that still had their hands taped! They were tickling each other so hard two of the girls pissed their pants! Thank god we were outside. So that set off everyone laughing so hard my buddy threw up! By now everyone was super wasted and after some mouthwash matt and I and a couple of the Texans started getting it on a little. Just stripping them down and playing “who gan get the best rrrrrawlski” it was a fucking shit show. And all the Texans weren’t even finished yet! So finally all the girls finish, take a piss or puke, and get cleaned up. Well since they lost, they had to bun run around the house! Now thank god it was the middle of june and 85 degrees outside. But what the girls didnt know was a couple of my friends went inside and started filling up water balloons with ice cold water. So being the good sports they were, all the girls, 20 smoking hot girls with southern accents, stripped down butt ass naked and started to run around the house. Thats when we got em! Matt brought out the water balloons and we started gunning these chicks with that ice cold water like it was our job! They were screaming, falling everywhere, and laughing their asses off (just like us ). So now their all dripping wet, butt ass naked, horny and drunk. But there were 20 of them and only 8 of us! Watching those nice southern belles turn into vindictive bitches with each other, vying for our attention was something else. It was too easy. We all ended up geting laid, matt and I with 3 each, and everyone else too im pretty sure. ( I dont know because the entire house was like a drunken girls gone wild porno, and Matt and I took our girls in the master bedroom and bathroom for a nice hot shower and bed time) Needless to say, best party ever. And I owe it all to my magical little friend, the 40.

Read the other wild stories from Paul and Eric

It was the first time I had every played “Edward Fortyhands” in my Freshman year at college.  Before I played it, not knowing what the hell it was all about, I had some…diarrhea problems earlier in the day.  So I’m about halfway through playing the game, and I realized that I had to fart.  So I let one rip. It was really loud and stinky.  Ended up being, I “sharted”! My pants were just covered in my crap and I was trying to run to the bathroom but people were having sex in it.  So I run outside and try to depants myself (kind of tough when you got two 40 oz duct taped to your hands).  After about five minutes, I finally get my pants off and rip the bottles out of my hands with my feet, the cops show up and I’m in the backyard naked, covered in shit, and totally wasted.  I had NO ambition to run.  Still to this day, I am known as “Edward Shittypants” all around the college.

Kinda like this, but without pants on and covered in doo doo butter.

We’ve teamed up with gorillamask.net to give away some cozies in one of their contests.  Tell them your greatest/funniest/wildest drunken adventure that involves a 40 and you could win a pack of cozies.  Stephen has gotten the ball rolling with his own story and we can’t wait to see the winning entries.  Here is how to enter.

Be sure to check out the rest of gorillamask while you’re their, its a great site and has tons of updates every day.

UPDATE: The three winners of the 40cozy prize packs have been selected. NOt surprisingly two of them involved playing Edward Forty Hands. Go check out the sordid tales:

Paul’s Adventure with Cheech, Cheeba, Chollas and an El Camino

Casey’s  Sloppy Southern Sorority Sister Slaying

Eric’s Close Encounter of the Tird Kind

• 100 year old lumber mill, rooftop bbq, graffiti room,
• Two kegs, 12 handles, thirty-six 40oz’s of malt liquor, 50 bottles of homebrew
• One 6 ft tall pinata
• DJ spinning nasty baby-making House
• 5 beer pong tables, 30 person flip cup game, beer bong
• Paint, spraypaint, paint pens, pig’s blood

The original plan was for all the drunk asses to crash in the warehouse, so we could all get crazy without getting behind the wheel. Destruction ensued: the walls, livers, dance floor, massive pinata, furniture, nothing was safe. And leave it to P.J. to be the only person we know to get kicked out of his own birthday party.

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All in all, the first inaugural Notsoberfest was a hit and next year’s should be even wilder. Check out the photo gallery and see it for yourself.

“This constantly-growing directory currently lists 500+ worldwide excuses to swill brews all day, complete with locations, festival links, and “highlights”, which in Helsinki means “international beer celebrities” (Spuds McKenzie? Alex from Strohs? They won’t leave my dog alone with that Medina.).”

To kick off the weekend, we accepted a coworker’s challenge to drink 7 beers on the 1 hour flight (only 40 minutes of drinking time, as you can’t buy beers until the plane levels out). The challenge isn’t so much the drinking, but the sweet talking required to procure 7 beers from the stewardess… I mean “flight attendant” (that’s the PC term right?) I got 5 from the sexy sky siren, Jeff could only manage 3 beers.

I had some delicious beers at the festival, including some very fine brews from Alaskan Brewing Co, He’Brew, Lost Coast, Chau Tien… I’ll write the rest when I can remember them, everything is still a little hazy. Here’s one of the local celebs we ran across:

Afterward, we ended up driving up onto our friends’ lawn in a Volkswagen van with a traveling Canadian metal band (don’t ask how we met up with them, we’re not exactly sure). Our long-haired friends threw an impromptu unplugged show and we drank into the night with a bunch of friends and a dozen or so people who were drawn in by the drunken jam sesh. All in all, I must stress: go to a beer festival this summer and every summer. You won’t be sorry.

#8. Lemon in the Armpits

Apparently some Puerto Ricans (and other citrusy fresh people) swear by this method. While I’ve read a few different opinions, the general belief is that you need to rub a slice of lemon in the armpit of your drinking arm before you start boozing. Out of lemons? Lime’s fine. I’m not so sure about this one, but either way you’ll be smelling fresh and fruity. Nothing attracts members of the opposite sex more than smelling like this fine lady:

#7. World’s Greatest Drunks

Now it’s clearly between the Russians and Irish for being the biggest drunks, so I’ll present a hangover cure from each.
The Russians claim all you have to do is drink the juice squeezed from a cucumber. I don’t know how you go about this, but Vodka literally means water in Russian, so who are we to second-guess them?
The Irish cure? Well they’re said “to bury the ailing person in moist river sand.” It’s not exactly clear if they keep the head above ground, or if this is simply the easiest way to get rid of the weakest drinkers.

#6. Sicilian Sausage

Now I’m pretty hesitant on this next one, but who am I to second guess the people who instituted organized crime? Apparently, Sicilians believe that all you have to do after a wild night of drinking is eat a dried bull’s penis. Yep, that’s it. Plain and simple.

#5. Jog ‘n’ Lick

Word on the street (according to BBC ) is that Native Americans would run around in the morning to get sweaty after a hard night on the village. Next step? Why the only logical thing: lick all that sweat up and spit it out, so you can get rid of all the ‘poison’ you’d just oozed out. Mmm, I can just taste the sticky malt liquor sweat right now!

#4. Kickin’ it old school

Now we all learned in school how much the Ancient Greeks & Romans knew how to party, what with the bath houses, orgies, and epic festivals. Well, after a wild night of debauchery Ancient Greeks were all about a nice breakfast of sheep lungs and two owl eggs.

The morning after, Romans would chow down on deep-fried canaries, which we can only assume were sold in big, family-size buckets.

#3. Voodoo

While most of these require mixing together ridiculous ingredients, this hangover remedy simply requires a complete lack of logic… or lots of magic (magic trumps logic every time). Haitian voodoo people are said to recommend sticking 13 black pins in the cork of the offending bottle. Try it out, let me know how it goes.

#2. Mongolian Mary

The hangover cure for heavy drinkers in outer Mongolia is “a pair of pickled sheep’s eyes in tomato juice.” Not too well-versed in the finer aspects of this region or it’s people, I did an image search for “Mongolian” and this photo showed up:

According to Google, this is how Mongolians dress, so I’m not too surprised by the eyeballs thing. Question: do they put them on a stirring stick like olives?

#1. “2 Cowboys 1 Cup”

What did those lonely cowboys of the Wild West concoct to cure hangovers? A fresh, hot cup of tea? Oh, that’s nice, sounds like a pleasant little remedy. Wait, they put what in it? Rabbit droppings? Yes, the best part of waking up was rabbit shit in their cup.

If you all have any more bizarre hangover remedies, definitely leave a comment. We’re always looking for ways to eat pickled sheep eyes without being ridiculed by peers. I think the next step is testing some of these out for ourselves.

Now I wouldn’t say things got out of hand, but these cats sure know how to party. 40Cozy was a big hit and the cozies actually worked perfectly for Edward 40 Hands, which suprisingly hadn’t been tested yet by our dedicated R & D department. Here are some of the lovely young coeds who participated in the festivities:

The day ended a little hazy as I’d consumed five 40oz beverages by the end of the party. I know, I have a hard time believing it also. 40Cozy does not endorse drinking such massive quantities of beer. Besides, we like even numbers- so stick with four. Two for the newcomers.

Snake wine is made by taking your best Vietnamese whiskey, and then going out in the jungle and finding a snake. Along the way you pick up any roots, herbs, scorpions and whatever other tasty tidbits you want to add. You take your snake, whiskey and random goodies, put them all together in a great big jar and let them sit there covered for about six months. At the end of six months its ready to drink.

The Vietnamese say snake wine is good for all kinds of things. Its the medicine of the people. Some say its “good for your banana”, while others say it cures rheumatism and arthritis. Others just tell you it gets you nice and drunk. There is no question, however, that after drinking snake wine you feel it. You feel it in your veins and in your mouth and in your head. Everything has a hard-to-explain buzz to it. And the flavor… what can I say about the flavor? Probably the best way to describe it is it tastes like rotten scales and whiskey. Thats a funny thing about snake wine; if you take a shot of it, you’ll probably agree that its the worst thing you’ve ever tasted in your whole life. Everyone who takes a shot agrees on that, but then about ten minutes later you’ll find yourself strangely yearning to take another.

I drank snake wine when I was in Vietnam but I’ve also had it back here in California. I got a couple bottles through customs and in the early days of 40cozy.com we cracked open one at a party. All of the 40cozy crew that was present took a shot and its been in our veins ever since. A few days after that bottle was opened and everyone was still feeling it, one of our designers, Carlos, gave me a gift. He had stuffed a rubber lizard into a 40 as a memento to the snake wine, a California version of a drink none of us will forget.