Archive for the ‘story time’ Category

40oz Story Contest Winner #3

Wednesday, April 22nd, 2009

Paul C. from Tucson is one of the 3 finalists for GorillaMask’s 40oz story contest. One thing though, Paul: Half of our company is Latino and/or dating one, and we don’t appreciate anyone smacking our ladies up. Or any ladies for that matter. Keep that in mind or I’ll cut you, puto. Here’s his forty ounce story:

I was on a 40 oz. (Old English) tear that summer. My best friend and his Dad would pick me up an we would cruise the city drinking 40′s in his Dad’s ’81 El Camino. This one particular night the Old Gold was hitting me hard. After I downed my first one, we stopped at a liquor store to get some more. My friend and his Dad go in the store and tell me to stay in the car. They enter and I say “Fuck this!” and head in the store myself with a big shit-eating grin on. I see the store clerk mopping so I pull an Ezel from Friday and fall flat on my ass on purpose and yell “I’m suing y’all!”, bringing down a couple of bags of chips with me. Needless to say, a scene was made. So my friend’s Dad (who we call Cheech cause, well, he looks like Cheech Marin) is buying the beers and making small talk to alleviate any tension I have created. He’s telling them about how he used to work down the street at a mechanic’s shop and how he “came here all the time” and I proceed to beligerantly say “Cheech, shut the fuck up. They don’t give a fuck about that shit. Buy the beer and let’s go!”. The only thing I hear after that is my best friend giggling and the clerk telling Cheech how much the beer is. So, after we get the beer, we cruise for a while we stop at a park so me and my friend can smoke a litlle doobie. (His Dad was cool like that). So, we get to smoking and Cheech, who was a little sad I made him look like a dick, starts fucking with me. We get to fucking around and it turns into a slap boxing match. I give him a good one to his kisser and he gets pissed and proceeds to chase me. He says he’s gonna leave me and he jumps in the El Camino. I jump in the back and try to give him a punch in the shoulder, miss, and end up giving him a good shot to the left side of his head. My friend Raul, his son, said his head actually rattled between my fist and the head rest. This was an accident of course but he couldn’t see that so he zoomed off and left me there to make my own way home. So I’m sitting on a bench thinking about how the fuck I’m gonna get home and some hussies in a convertible cruise by. They could tell I wasn’t a hobo so they asked me what I was doing here alone. So I tell them my (more…)

40oz Story Contest Winner #2

Wednesday, April 22nd, 2009

The second winner of the GorillaMask 40oz story competition is Casey from Michigan. Another casualty to the Edward 40 Hands! My B.S. detector went off with this story, but I do know this kind of thing happens on those rare times when the planets align for a plucky, young collegiate, so I’ll give Casey the benefit of the doubt. Check it:

K here goes,

My name is Casey and I was an alcoholic. Well all my friends from college and I were, but that’s not the point. I live in Rochester Hills Michigan right next to Oakland University. Now I know a lot of you people out there dont know anything about Oakland U, but there is one thing you should know. There are 4 to 1 girls to guys on that campus. And most of the chicks around here are pretty wealthy, thus well taken care of by daddy and amazingly hot. Well my buddies and I used to have house parties at my crib at least 2 nights a week, from the time I was 21 to…. well… now. And one of these such parties was by far the best. We play this game called Edward 40 hands.  The object of the game is to finish both 40′s before the other people playing. The loser is the one who either, throws up, pisses their pants, or is the last to finish. And if you are unfortunate enough to lose, then you have to bun run around the house with the whole party taunting you the whole time. Now back to the story. It was a saturday night and I had 6 or 7 of my good friends over, who by the way never pull any tail, EVER. And my buddy Matt, who is the only one besides me who isnt vaginally challenged enough to score some poon. So naturally Matt and I start calling some girls, telling everyone we were having a bonfire and to bring 40′s for the game. Well little did we know that the girls we called had a sister sorority in from texas, and were bringing 20 or so smoking hott girls over with them. So about a half hour goes by and we are starting to hit the sauce pretty heavy, when ding-dong, the girls showed up. It was like fucking Christmas (more…)

40oz Story Contest Winner #1

Wednesday, April 22nd, 2009

We ran a contest with our homies at, to see who could send in the wildest story involving drinking one or multiple 40 oz beverages. Here’s one of the winning stories from their reader Eric B. from Iowa, with a pretty ridiculous and tragically hilarious 40oz story:

It was the first time I had every played “Edward Fortyhands” in my Freshman year at college.  Before I played it, not knowing what the hell it was all about, I had some…diarrhea problems earlier in the day.  So I’m about halfway through playing the game, and I realized that I had to fart.  So I let one rip. It was really loud and stinky.  Ended up being, I “sharted”! My pants were just covered in my crap and I was trying to run to the bathroom but people were having sex in it.  So I run outside and try to depants myself (kind of tough when you got two 40 oz duct taped to your hands).  After about five minutes, I finally get my pants off and rip the bottles out of my hands with my feet, the cops show up and I’m in the backyard naked, covered in shit, and totally wasted.  I had NO ambition to run.  Still to this day, I am known as “Edward Shittypants” all around the college.

Kinda like this, but without pants on and covered in doo doo butter.

Kinda like this, but without pants on and covered in doo doo butter. 40oz story contest

Thursday, April 16th, 2009


We’ve teamed up with to give away some cozies in one of their contests.  Tell them your greatest/funniest/wildest drunken adventure that involves a 40 and you could win a pack of cozies.  Stephen has gotten the ball rolling with his own story and we can’t wait to see the winning entries.  Here is how to enter.

Be sure to check out the rest of gorillamask while you’re their, its a great site and has tons of updates every day.

UPDATE: The three winners of the 40cozy prize packs have been selected. NOt surprisingly two of them involved playing Edward Forty Hands. Go check out the sordid tales:

Paul’s Adventure with Cheech, Cheeba, Chollas and an El Camino

Casey’s  Sloppy Southern Sorority Sister Slaying

Eric’s Close Encounter of the Tird Kind

Notsoberfest 2008: Burning bridges, dousing that fire with malt liquor

Monday, October 27th, 2008

Last weekend we celebrated P.J.’s 24th by renting out a warehouse and going apeshit. Our marketing guy and resident drunk, this party needed to represent every part of his ridiculous existence. Around 100 rowdy hooligans showed up to rage, paint, crush, drink, dance, bang and fight into the early morning. Supplies required for such an event:

  • 100 year old lumber mill, rooftop bbq, graffiti room,
  • Two kegs, 12 handles, thirty-six 40oz’s of malt liquor, 50 bottles of homebrew
  • One 6 ft tall pinata
  • DJ spinning nasty baby-making House
  • 5 beer pong tables, 30 person flip cup game, beer bong
  • Paint, spraypaint, paint pens, pig’s blood

The original plan was for all the drunk asses to crash in the warehouse, so we could all get crazy without getting behind the wheel. Destruction ensued: the walls, livers, dance floor, massive pinata, furniture, nothing was safe. And leave it to P.J. to be the only person we know to get kicked out of his own birthday party.

All in all, the first inaugural Notsoberfest was a hit and next year’s should be even wilder. Check out the photo gallery and see it for yourself.

Beer Festivals = best idea ever

Sunday, August 10th, 2008

Last weekend we headed up to the Monterey Beer Festival, an all-you-can-drink day party. Now I’ve been to the kind of “festival” where they give you a few tickets for samples. Screw that. If I spend $35, I want to be able to get it back by drinking my weight in delicious microbrews. If you’re looking for a beer festival near you, go to The boys at Thrillist describe the site:

“This constantly-growing directory currently lists 500+ worldwide excuses to swill brews all day, complete with locations, festival links, and “highlights”, which in Helsinki means “international beer celebrities” (Spuds McKenzie? Alex from Strohs? They won’t leave my dog alone with that Medina.).”

To kick off the weekend, we accepted a coworker’s challenge to drink 7 beers on the 1 hour flight (only 40 minutes of drinking time, as you can’t buy beers until the plane levels out). The challenge isn’t so much the drinking, but the sweet talking required to procure 7 beers from the stewardess… I mean “flight attendant” (that’s the PC term right?) I got 5 from the sexy sky siren, Jeff could only manage 3 beers.

I had some delicious beers at the festival, including some very fine brews from Alaskan Brewing Co, He’Brew, Lost Coast, Chau Tien… I’ll write the rest when I can remember them, everything is still a little hazy. Here’s one of the local celebs we ran across:

Afterward, we ended up driving up onto our friends’ lawn in a Volkswagen van with a traveling Canadian metal band (don’t ask how we met up with them, we’re not exactly sure). Our long-haired friends threw an impromptu unplugged show and we drank into the night with a bunch of friends and a dozen or so people who were drawn in by the drunken jam sesh. All in all, I must stress: go to a beer festival this summer and every summer. You won’t be sorry.

8 Bizarre Hangover Cures from Around the World

Tuesday, July 1st, 2008

Sunday morning, after we’d all emerged half-alive from our various resting places (John, under the coffee table? Seriously?), we congregated in the garage…I mean office. That’s where the beer fridge is, making it the obvious meeting place. All in pretty bad shape from a solid 2-day bender, we started chatting about different hangover cures. The classics were presented, like mixing beer & clamato, bloody marry’s, etc. but we wanted to dig a little deeper.
We decided to start researching the strangest hangover cures, and where better to go fact-finding than the source of all truth, the Internet? Here are the strangest hangover cures we found:

#8. Lemon in the Armpits

Apparently some Puerto Ricans (and other citrusy fresh people) swear by this method. While I’ve read a few different opinions, the general belief is that you need to rub a slice of lemon in the armpit of your drinking arm before you start boozing. Out of lemons? Lime’s fine. I’m not so sure about this one, but either way you’ll be smelling fresh and fruity. Nothing attracts members of the opposite sex more than smelling like this fine lady:

strange hangover cure


Billy Bob 40 Hands

Monday, March 3rd, 2008

Last weekend I headed up to San Luis Obispo to party with the infamous Central Pacific Ski Club. We sponsor these wild hooligans as they definitely represent the 40Cozy lifestyle. The party had a white trash theme and we got things rolling around noon. My initial goal was to maintain a semi-professional demeanor and only have a single forty…but you know how things get once that malt liquor goodness hits your lips.

40oz Party

Now I wouldn’t say things got out of hand, but these cats sure know how to party. 40Cozy was a big hit and the cozies actually worked perfectly for Edward 40 Hands, which suprisingly hadn’t been tested yet by our dedicated R & D department. Here are some of the lovely young coeds who participated in the festivities:

40 oz girlies

The day ended a little hazy as I’d consumed five 40oz beverages by the end of the party. I know, I have a hard time believing it also. 40Cozy does not endorse drinking such massive quantities of beer. Besides, we like even numbers- so stick with four. Two for the newcomers.

Story Time: Snake Wine

Friday, February 8th, 2008

Snake Wine JarIn my days before the 40cozy and after college I did a lot of world-wandering. I’ve backpacked through four continents and over twenty-five countries on a very limited budget. Along the way I drank a lot of different things but probably the most memorable was snake wine. It was during my days in Nam, taking a tour up the Mekong Delta that I happened upon this wonderful beverage.

Snake wine is made by taking your best Vietnamese whiskey, and then going out in the jungle and finding a snake. Along the way you pick up any roots, herbs, scorpions and whatever other tasty tidbits you want to add. You take your snake, whiskey and random goodies, put them all together in a great big jar and let them sit there covered for about six months. At the end of six months its ready to drink.

The Vietnamese say snake wine is good for all kinds of things. Its the medicine of the people. Some say its “good for your banana”, while others say it cures rheumatism and arthritis. Others just tell you it gets you nice and drunk. There is no question, however, that after drinking snake wine you feel it. You feel it in your veins and in your mouth and in your head. Everything has a hard-to-explain buzz to it. And the flavor… what can I say about the flavor? Probably the best way to describe it is it tastes like rotten scales and whiskey. Thats a funny thing about snake wine; if you take a shot of it, you’ll probably agree that its the worst thing you’ve ever tasted in your whole life. Everyone who takes a shot agrees on that, but then about ten minutes later you’ll find yourself strangely yearning to take another.

I drank snake wine when I was in Vietnam but I’ve also had it back here in California. I got a couple bottles through customs and in the early days of we cracked open one at a party. All of the 40cozy crew that was present took a shot and its been in our veins ever since. A few days after that bottle was opened and everyone was still feeling it, one of our designers, Carlos, gave me a gift. He had stuffed a rubber lizard into a 40 as a memento to the snake wine, a California version of a drink none of us will forget.

Snake Wine and Lizard 40