The brackets for 40cozy’s first annual Malt Liquor Madness have been drawn, and you can view them below or download the pdf if any of you at home would like to participate. In the coming weeks, there will only remain one dominant malt liquor champion from these sweet 16 competitors. The competition involves a blind tasting of two malt liquors and then a collective voting on which is superior and gets to move on to the next round. Here are the face offs in the first round, which will be held later this week (Thursdayish):

(Download the official bracket pdf: 40cozybracket2009.pdf) Below are the Sweet 16 contestants:

Mickey’s vs. Country Club

Colt 45 vs. St. Ides Original

Hurricane High Gravity vs. Steel Reserve

King Cobra vs. Samichlaus

Olde English vs. Tilt (Green)

Shlitz O.M.L. vs. Sparks (Black)

St. Ides Berry Special Brew vs. Schlits V.S.L.

Four vs. Magnum

…Here’s an image of the physical bracket we built:

Now some of you are going to say, “Why would you add those fruity tasting drinks like Sparks?” A few reasons. First, they technically are ‘malt liquors’ and as such we can’t discriminate. They let schools like Morehead State and East Tennessee State in the tourney, so who are we to get picky? There are many other great malt liquors out there, but after weeks of scouring the liquor stores of Southern California, these are the finest (and only) high gravity beverages around.

We’ll be posting soon after the first round, check back in to see which brew makes it to the Elite 8. If you feel your favorite malt liquor isn’t being represented, leave a comment and we’ll work them into next years contestants.

In the coming weeks we will be doing what may be the greatest thing we’ve ever done.  We will be hosting 40cozy.com’s first annual Malt Liquor Madness Tournament.  We will be pitting 16 Malt Liquors against each other and only one will emerge the champion.  In this first announcement we will be listing the contenders that will compete for Glory. On the 20th we will release the official bracket and the games will begin.

And now… the Contenders:

Schlitz V.S.L.

Schlitz O.M.L.

Country Club

Olde English 800

Hurricane High Gravity

Mikeys

Colt 45

Tilt (green)

King Cobra

St. Ides.

Steele Reserve

Magnum

4 more dark horse candidates will be released at the time of the official bracket.  Stay Tuned.

And now I humbly present to you three WoW themed Beer Steins.  Only $90 each.

Yeah… thats all i have to say about that.

via Geekologie.

Modern Drunkard Magazine has created a brilliant new sign language for all us bar rats. As they explained it:

When words come out, whisky can’t go in. Remove the roadblocks to drinking success with this arsenal of non-verbal communication.

Here are some of my favorites:

For the complete list go here.

Here is a great valentines gift for your drunken significant other:

A Hand-blown-glass, upside-down beer bottle.  Its called hopsidedown and it reminds me a lot of one of our earlier christmas gifts for drunks selections.  As with those other glasses, the main problem with this is you can only pour about half a bottle of beer into these little things.  That’s fine if you’re a 12-year-old, but I’m only getting one of these when they make a version modeled after a 40.

Have you ever thought to yourself: “Self, you should fill a super-soaker up with beer and then shoot your friends in the mouth!”?  I can’t say that i’ve ever thought that either, but after seeing this product, i wish i had.  Presenting the second in our daily Beer Drinkers Christmas Gift feature: The Beer Blaster

 Here is the description from their site:

The Beer Blaster is a handheld high-velocity drink delivery system. Translation? It’s a Beer Gun. Harnessing the carbonation power of canned drinks, the blaster can shoot your beverage of choice over 10 feet. A favorite on college campuses, the Beer Blaster is sweeping the party scene.

I’m not sure about “sweeping the party scene.” My party activity of choice is still drinking the beer and not shooting it, but this might come in handy towards the end of the night when things get out of hand.  Also, after looking at their site, i’ve got to say I’ve got a fond place in my heart for these innovative drinkers starting their own small business.  Buy a Beer Blaster and keep the small businesses of America afloat!

Have you ever wanted to pour your booze through an elaborate contraption attached to your fridge before drinking?  Well the Chugulug Drinks Factory seems to be the answer.  I think Gizmodo had the best tagline: If Rube Goldberg Were an Underage Girl You Wanted to Get Drunk.

The setup comes with the following and magnets to your fridge for easy access:

• 2 x vortex funnels – where you pour in your booze and mixer
• 1 x ‘the mill’ – the paddles mix you drink as it goes though
• 1 x ‘the propeller’ – aerates and churns you drink to perfection
• 1 x ‘the tank’ – fills up as the multi coloured balls splash around
• 1 x ‘the tap’ – where your perfect drink is stored ( you can also add ice here to chill it!)

The camps where German soldiers are stationed along with some other troops serving with NATO’s International Security Assistance Force (ISAF), received about 990,000 litres of beer and 69,000 litres of wine and sparkling wine in 2007, according to media reports on Wednesday.

And this year the total is on track to rise, with some 512,000 litres of beer and 42,000 litres of wine being sent out in the first six months of 2008.

- via Some German News Site

Not surprisingly, reconstructing Afghanistan can really make a man want to throw back a few. Even less surprising is the fact that Germans are being Germans, and by that I mean drunk. Apparently Germans back home are quite concerned about this, but I don’t see anything peculiar about it. With only 3600 German soldiers stationed in these camps, that breaks their per capita consumption to:

284 liters of beer/year = 0.78 liters/day

23 liters of wine/year = 0.06 liters/day

Wait, why are they upset? Maybe my math is off, otherwise I don’t see what the problem is. What the hell else can you do in the middle of Afghanistan?

I think the really tragedy is for our American brothers and sisters stationed in the Middle East. A few of our homies are/were stationed in Iraq, and they’ve revealed the terrible fact that there’s no booze allowed in some of the US camps. Damned shame.

What’ll it be: champagne or Clorox? Image courtesy of comedian Todd Levin

At least three of these useful remedies are for problems caused by vodka in the first place. Vodka is the kind of friend that’ll punch you in the face, then help you find your recently-lost front tooth in that dimly lit alley next to Maloney’s.  Dick. Or what about the time he broke into your house to have his way with some floozy he met at the bar, in your bed no less?! … but he was so kind to clean your sheets the next morning and buy you a breakfast burrito. Screw vodka.

1. To remove a bandage painlessly, saturate the bandage with vodka. The
   solvent dissolves adhesive.
2. To clean the caulking around bathtubs and showers, fill a trigger-spray
   bottle with vodka, spray the caulking, let set five minutes and wash clean.
   The alcohol in the vodka kills mold and mildew.
3. To clean your eyeglasses, simply wipe the lenses with a soft, clean
   cloth dampened with vodka. The alcohol in the vodka cleans the glass and
   kills germs.
4. Prolong the life of razors by filling a cup with vodka and letting your
   safety razor blade soak in the alcohol after shaving.  The vodka disinfects
   the blade and prevents rusting.
5. Spray vodka on vomit stains, scrub with a brush, and then blot dry.
6. Using a cotton ball, apply vodka to your face as an astringent to
   cleanse the skin and tighten pores.
7. Add a jigger of vodka to a 12-ounce bottle of shampoo. The alcohol
   cleanses the scalp, removes toxins from hair, and stimulates the growth of
   healthy hair.
8. Fill a sixteen-ounce trigger-spray bottle and spray bees or wasps to
   kill them.
9. Pour one-half cup vodka and one-half cup water in a Ziploc freezer bag
   and freeze for a slushy, refreshable ice pack for aches, pain or black
   eyes.
10. Fill a clean, used mayonnaise jar with freshly packed lavender flowers,
    fill the jar with vodka, seal the lid tightly and set in the sun for three
    days.  Strain liquid through a coffee filter, then apply the tincture to
    aches and pains.
11. To relieve a fever, use a washcloth to rub vodka on your chest and back
    as a liniment.
12. To cure foot odor, wash your feet with vodka.
13. Vodka will disinfect and alleviate a jellyfish sting.
14. Pour vodka over an area affected with poison ivy to remove the urushiol
    oil from your skin.
15. Swish a shot of vodka over an aching tooth. Allow your gums to absorb
    some of the alcohol to numb the pain.

Russians probably have a lot more uses. For example this video shows how Russian ninjas use vodka to increase their strength and reaction time.