28 Drinks Later from Futuristic Films on Vimeo.

By Nick Goossen

In case you didn’t know, back in Dec ‘08 MillerCoors removed caffeine and all other energy-inducing ingredients from the tongue-staining malt liquor/energy drink hybrid, Sparks.

Well the kind people at SFoodie have done some brilliant reverse engineering and came up with a way to create their own Sparks at home, dubbed “Bathtub Sparks” or “Moonshine Sparks.” To make your own, you’ll need to gather the following:

2 pieces Pez candy, one yellow, one pink
1 can King Cobra
1 can Red Bull

Instructions:
Crush the Pez until reduced to a fine powder. Transfer the powder to the bottom of an empty glass. Pour in equal parts King Cobra and Red Bull. Don’t be alarmed when the foaming begins; it will subside. Adjust for flavor.

Now sit back with your nasty orange drank and get your caffeinated krunk on.

BoozeCats.com, a funny new site making the rounds,  mixes two of web surfers’ favorite things:

1) Stupid photos of cats

2) Posting pictures of themselves drinking, as if to say: “Hey look Internet friends, see how I have a drink in my hand? That’s cuz I like to party!”

While the LOLcat and the posted drinking pic might be weak/overplayed on their own, combining the two seems to transcend any possible lameness and reach a state of ridiculous meme nirvana. Check out some of the photos we cherrypicked from their site:

In the spirit of things, I created one featuring some 40cozy cat’s in action:

According to the site:

Boozecats was inspired in part by Lisa’s frantic search for a photo of herself that did not contain beer.  I realized every one of our pictures has beer in it somewhere, so I decided to edit them all out using cats.

So go ahead and make your own and submit it to their site for eternal boozecat fame and notoriety.

Apparently the McNuggetini drink recipe has been all over the internets, creating quite a stir. I mean who doesn’t want a martini with the following ingredients:

• McDonald’s milk shake
• Vodka
• Chicken McNuggets
• BBQ Sauce

According to the sexy redhead in the video, “It’s like a white Russian on angel dust.” So if you’re hankering for some classy cocktails for your Friday night, just head to your nearest Mickey D’s!

Getting shit-canned and making an ass of yourself at dinner parties is a long-standing practice of the fine gentlemen of 40cozy. We’ve all been there – hitting on someone’s mom, eating off others’ plates, slurring your words through horribly off-color dead baby jokes… feel free to share your awesomely horrible/horribly awesome stories in the comments.

Well apparently this was quite the common practice in 9th centure China, as LettersofNote explains:
As far back as the 9th Century, the beautifully named ‘Dunhuang Bureau of Etiquette’ insisted that local officials use the following letter template (dated 856) when sending apologies to offended dinner hosts. The guilty party would copy the template text, enter the dinner host’s name, sign the letter and then deliver with head bowed.

Here’s the document, which was found in a sealed cave in China:

Translated, this letter reads:

Yesterday, having drunk too much, I was intoxicated as to pass all bounds; but none of the rude and coarse language I used was uttered in a conscious state. The next morning, after hearing others speak on the subject, I realised what had happened, whereupon I was overwhelmed with confusion and ready to sink into the earth with shame.

The modern version of this is something like a template apology email or something you’d find at textsfromlastnight.com. I love that it was so customary for local officials to get wasted at dinner gatherings, someone decided to create a stock “I’m sorry I threw up on your cat” letter and distributed copies.

To read more about the project that revealed this letter and thousands more 9th century Chinese documents visit http://idp.bl.uk/

I think by comparing the images of drunks to yoga poses they want to emphasize the comparable health benefits of passing out in public to the ancient discipline of yoga. At least that’s what I get from these images. Quite hilarious how people could get so drunk as to pass out in such positions.

I mean I’ve tried my damnedest to get this drunk, but the craziest situation I’ve ever woke up in is on a stranger’s couch, sitting upright, in nothing but my underwear, body sticky and smelling of whiskey, my hand covered in blood, and the fire alarm going off right out front of the apartment at 150 decibels, with a newly acquired mullet. Hmm, in retrospect that is pretty bizarre. Well, check out these drunken Russians performing some advanced yoga poses. Impressive!

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Whether you’re a reformed offender or still at the height of your drunk dialing, all drinkers have at least once abused the privilege and power of our mobile connectedness.

Late night bootie calls to your bio lab partner, drunken 2am voice mails for your brother on the East Coast, recruiting sober drivers when you wake up in a Korean BBQ joint 12 miles from your last un-blacked-out location – all these acts are made easy and entertaining with DrunkDialer, our latest free iPhone app.

It shuffles through your phone book and picks a victim contact at random. You can press the button to call, or spin the wheel again if your Aunt’s number comes up. This is how we like to get day parties started- sit on the couch, start rifling through our phones, find random phone numbers and invite them over for some beer and bbq. Before you know it, you have a random assortment of friends to help you finish that leftover keg.

Go get the DrunkDialer, build and strengthen friendships over a few beers, and burn the bridges that weren’t strong enough to withstand repeated drunk calls- they weren’t your type anyways.

Download it now! Link to iTunes Store

Well 40cozy has officially found its new hard Liquor of choice: Bacon flavored vodka.  I also can’t help but think this would be the perfect cure for a case of swine flu. And yes, this is real, as far as i can tell anyway…  you never really know with the internets.

The vodka is made in Seattle, Washington and they seem to take their choice in flavor very seriously:

At Black Rock Spirits, we wanted to take this classic icon and bring it to the beverage world. To match an infusion, we tested recipies for over two years, finally landing at the one true “Bakon Vodka”. And now, you too can enjoy this seductive indulgence.

They also have a few different drink recopies on their site.  The “bakon mary”

looks pretty promising, but i would only drink that if it had a real stick of bacon sticking out of the glass replacing the normal celery stalk.  Bloody Marys always did seem kinda like a vegetarians drink to me.  Not any more.

Unfortunately “bakon” only distributed in four states in the northwestern U.S.  Damn those bacon embargoes! You can sign up on the website to have them tell you when its coming to a place near you.  I for one cant wait!

Paul C. from Tucson is one of the 3 finalists for GorillaMask’s 40oz story contest. One thing though, Paul: Half of our company is Latino and/or dating one, and we don’t appreciate anyone smacking our ladies up. Or any ladies for that matter. Keep that in mind or I’ll cut you, puto. Here’s his forty ounce story:

I was on a 40 oz. (Old English) tear that summer. My best friend and his Dad would pick me up an we would cruise the city drinking 40’s in his Dad’s ‘81 El Camino. This one particular night the Old Gold was hitting me hard. After I downed my first one, we stopped at a liquor store to get some more. My friend and his Dad go in the store and tell me to stay in the car. They enter and I say “Fuck this!” and head in the store myself with a big shit-eating grin on. I see the store clerk mopping so I pull an Ezel from Friday and fall flat on my ass on purpose and yell “I’m suing y’all!”, bringing down a couple of bags of chips with me. Needless to say, a scene was made. So my friend’s Dad (who we call Cheech cause, well, he looks like Cheech Marin) is buying the beers and making small talk to alleviate any tension I have created. He’s telling them about how he used to work down the street at a mechanic’s shop and how he “came here all the time” and I proceed to beligerantly say “Cheech, shut the fuck up. They don’t give a fuck about that shit. Buy the beer and let’s go!”. The only thing I hear after that is my best friend giggling and the clerk telling Cheech how much the beer is. So, after we get the beer, we cruise for a while we stop at a park so me and my friend can smoke a litlle doobie. (His Dad was cool like that). So, we get to smoking and Cheech, who was a little sad I made him look like a dick, starts fucking with me. We get to fucking around and it turns into a slap boxing match. I give him a good one to his kisser and he gets pissed and proceeds to chase me. He says he’s gonna leave me and he jumps in the El Camino. I jump in the back and try to give him a punch in the shoulder, miss, and end up giving him a good shot to the left side of his head. My friend Raul, his son, said his head actually rattled between my fist and the head rest. This was an accident of course but he couldn’t see that so he zoomed off and left me there to make my own way home. So I’m sitting on a bench thinking about how the fuck I’m gonna get home and some hussies in a convertible cruise by. They could tell I wasn’t a hobo so they asked me what I was doing here alone. So I tell them my (more…)

We’ve teamed up with gorillamask.net to give away some cozies in one of their contests.  Tell them your greatest/funniest/wildest drunken adventure that involves a 40 and you could win a pack of cozies.  Stephen has gotten the ball rolling with his own story and we can’t wait to see the winning entries.  Here is how to enter.

Be sure to check out the rest of gorillamask while you’re their, its a great site and has tons of updates every day.

UPDATE: The three winners of the 40cozy prize packs have been selected. NOt surprisingly two of them involved playing Edward Forty Hands. Go check out the sordid tales:

Paul’s Adventure with Cheech, Cheeba, Chollas and an El Camino

Casey’s  Sloppy Southern Sorority Sister Slaying

Eric’s Close Encounter of the Tird Kind