Right as the party is bumping, you hear some uproar outside from your disgruntled party-goers, only to find some asshole thief has jacked your keg tap!

The brilliant folks at KeepaTap.com have created a surefire way to keep your tap secure and the keg flowing. For only $9.99, the KeepaTap Keg Tap Lock comes with 125% money-back guarantee.

Made from high density polypropylene, the same material as bowling balls, you can kick back and relax at your houseparty knowing that tap’s going nowhere.

Now, you only have to worry about noise complaints, broken furniture, the rest of your valuables, fights, wasted guests, and people hooking up in your bed.

….oh, and people stealing the entire keg – which I have been witness to in the past, though you gotta hand it to them if they can pull that off.

So go buy a KeepaTap keg tap lock and ensure your next party is a success to the last drop. And make sure to put one of the keys in a safe place, so your blacked out self doesn’t ruin things!

A Hand-blown-glass, upside-down beer bottle.  Its called hopsidedown and it reminds me a lot of one of our earlier christmas gifts for drunks selections.  As with those other glasses, the main problem with this is you can only pour about half a bottle of beer into these little things.  That’s fine if you’re a 12-year-old, but I’m only getting one of these when they make a version modeled after a 40.

I happened upon one of these bad boys at a party, and this is definitely the way to throw back a few beers. From across the room, I saw this gorgeous shotgun can opener in action. There was a radiant glow surrounding her as she crushed a beer in 4 seconds. I knew it was love at first site.

The fine people at ShotgunParty.com have created a brilliant keychain with a bottle opener and a hook that opens cans for shotgunning. If you don’t know what that is, watch this video:

From what I’ve seen out there in the field, the art of shotgunning a beer is slipping away, losing its ground with the younger generations. And it’s pretty damn embarassing when you see someone try to open a beer for shotgunning purposes, usually by jabbing a knife into it and hosing everything within 5 yards in beer spray. That’s why this keychain is so damned handy. It’s pretty solid at minimizing the spray, plus people really dig on it. You can pick 3 up for $10, which is worth it just to save all that lost beer from your amateur shotgun prepping.

When I first read the rumors that Apple was working on a big-brother version of the iPod touch I had the same reaction as most people: “Huh!?” The more I think about it however, the more I realize this may be a stroke of genius and create a whole new product category.

Two of the biggest reasons people say a large-format iPod is unlikely are because it will be too big to fit in your pocket and apps from the app store won’t run correctly.

The idea that apps won’t look right on a different resolution screen is correct, but also silly in its assumption that the iPhone SDK is static.  Sure, many apps as they’re written now will look funny and scale incorrectly if they’re put on another resolution screen, but apple can easily add scaling to the SDK and different apps can handle it in different ways.  The same way a desktop application changes its layout when you change the size of its window, an app could adjust to different resolutions.  Also most iPhone and iPod games are written in openGL, which is generally resolution-agnostic.  Almost all openGL games will port over to a different size screen with little or no changes.

Thinking that consumers won’t want this product because of its size is, I think, completely misunderstanding what the target of such a device would be.  A large-format iPod touch would overlap a lot of the same market that netbooks are currently thriving in.

Imagine you’re sitting in your lazy-boy, in an airport, or on the subway and you want to casually browse the web.  A laptop is a little too bulky for these situations and you’re not typing a novel so you don’t need a full keyboard.  The current iPhone or iPod touch works for this, but the text is really darn small and hitting all those little links with your fat fingers means you have to zoom in every time to do it.  An ipod touch with a seven-inch screen would be almost the exact size of a paperback novel.  This would be the ideal size for armchair web browsing, sharing photos with friends, watching a 2-hour movie while away from home or playing all kinds of games.  No, it won’t fit in your pocket, but you wont even notice the bulk in your bag or backpack.

This big-brother ipod will be in direct competition with the netbook, the kindle, the portable dvd player,  and all kinds of gaming devices.  I think it will stack up quiet well against all of them.

My final, off-the-wall prediction:  Apple will put in a front-facing camera and market it as a video conferencing device.

Our dedicated designers have spent long hours in the R&D process of our baddest cozy yet, the Black Out Cozy. The brainchild of Los-Nasty – the Godfather of the 40Cozy- this dark horse is destined to incite some legendary nights you’ll hear tale of only from third-party sources…because no first-hand witnesses will be able to present proof other than bruises, Sharpie murals on their person, and the few fuzzy photos recovered from a memory card they found in the rubble that was once their digital camera.

The Black Out Cozy features a detachable sheath for a lighter and an elastic holder for your cigar/cigarette, whether it’s store-bought or hand-rolled. Designed to keep track of your two quintessential party favors, the Black Out Cozy is necessary for hardcore individuals looking to do the damn thing.

A limited run of 30 these bad boys are on sale now in our online store. Pick up a Black Out Cozy and go get rowdy.

Yeah, it’s everything you ever wanted. An R2D2 filled with beer! With a 30 ft range, you can deliver beers to your lounging homies by barely lifting a finger. This beaut eliminates those awkward minutes of empty beer holding when nobody wants to get up for a fresh beverage because they know they’ll have to get one for everybody.

It compacts for storage, can be carried with a strap, holds up to 12 beer bottles…if this thing could make nachos I’d be in love.

Pick it up for $69.99. Impress your geeky friends, or replace your subservient girl/boy friend.

Now I know you’re thinking, “How would a wine glass interest me, Joe Six-Pack?” Well shut up and think about this: there will be a time your uncultured ass will need to drink something other than Milwaukee’s Best. Especially around the holidays, with company parties and family gatherings every other day. I’m not sure how this wine glass is going to make you seem any more classy, however you will be able to honestly tell the missus that you only had two glasses at the party.

No longer feel guilty about your single glass before bed with the 750mL. Fill that glass up with a bottle of Night Train and relish in your newly found sophistication. For sale at Vat19.com for $11.95.

For the grown ups out there who want to really step it up, I present the tequila bandolier. For all those dirt nasty banditos, the tequila bandolier holds 6 shot glasses and a bottle of fire water. It’ll make you the life of the party…or the a-hole everyone hates for forcing shots down their throats. Either way you’ll make a commotion. Pick one up at BaronBob’s for $20.

 Here is the description from their site:

The Beer Blaster is a handheld high-velocity drink delivery system. Translation? It’s a Beer Gun. Harnessing the carbonation power of canned drinks, the blaster can shoot your beverage of choice over 10 feet. A favorite on college campuses, the Beer Blaster is sweeping the party scene.

I’m not sure about “sweeping the party scene.” My party activity of choice is still drinking the beer and not shooting it, but this might come in handy towards the end of the night when things get out of hand.  Also, after looking at their site, i’ve got to say I’ve got a fond place in my heart for these innovative drinkers starting their own small business.  Buy a Beer Blaster and keep the small businesses of America afloat!

I’d like to start this series off with the coolest gift I’ve found so far: the iBreath.

Yes, ladies and gentleman, it’s an iPod-powered breathalyzer (works on iPhones too). The brilliant people at David Steele Enterprises state that it’ll read you blood alcohol content within 5 seconds of blowing into the device’s tube. And that it’s accurate to within 0.01 BAC. And did I mention that it doubles as an FM transmitter for your car stereo? Well it does that too.

We’ve seen some pretty cool iPhone apps for drinkers (we’ve created two), but this is the best drinking-related use for the iPhone I’ve seen! We’re all about safety first here- go get hammered, punch holes in your wall, wake up next to a wildebeest, just don’t go drinking and driving.

It only goes up to 0.1 BAC, so it can’t be used as a novelty toy to see how wasted you can get, Tucker Max-style.

At $79, it’s very comparable to other breathalyzers, only this lets you jam to your iTunes in the car that you can’t drive for the next 5 hours. (btw, don’t sit in your car drunk, you can still get a DUI even if you’re just sleeping it off) Go out and get one for your friends, it could save their life.

Go check out our funny beer apps for iPhone.