Edward 40 Hands is a great time had by all…well, all who can drink two 40’s. If you can’t, read on anyways because we have another option for you. According to wikipedia (the source of all truth) the game is also known as “80 oz to freedom” and “The 40 Challenge.” Whatever you call it, here’s the rules:

1. Have a friend duct tape a 40 oz of malt liquor to each hand (or both hands to one 40oz if you’re taking it easy). The last person to tape in will have a harder time, but with some ingenuity they can manage.

2. Nobody can remove the 40’s from their hands until they’re finished drinking all 80 ounces of beer.

That’s it, those essentially are the two official rules. You can add some competition to the game by racing to finish, but completing the game is a solid accomplishment, so I wouldn’t worry about racing. You are allowed to go to the bathroom, answer the phone, have a smoke, whatever - that is, as long as your hands are still taped to those quickly-warming 40oz beers. If you can do that, cheers. It’s funny though, I’ve seen some very awkward times when a slow-drinking gent has to request a male friend to pull his pants zipper down. And that’s really just half the battle to emptying the bladder. The other half requires a weird wiggle dance…I guess you’ll figure it out if you have to.

The true beauty of the 40cozy is displayed when you use two 40cozy’s, one on each hand. With these on your paws, you’ll be able to take as long as you want, as your beer won’t become warm for a long time. The only thing that will rush your drinking is the increasing urge to urinate.

Don’t worry about the duct tape ruining the 40cozy’s, they come out looking great afterward. Next time you and your friends are sitting around with nothing to do, go buy a case of 40’s and strap up. Drink strong!

We are happy to introduce our brand new iPhone app, pour1out:

What the app does:

 - Ran out of beer and want to keep the party going? Simply press a button and pour1out will find the nearest liquor store.

 - Wanna pour one out for a homie but don’t have a 40oz nearby? The beer on the screen behaves like real beer thanks to the iPhone sensors, so just tilt the iPhone and watch the malt liquor pour on out. Convince everyone that just because you spent $200 on a phone doesn’t mean you’re not “street” (even though I’m pretty sure it does). Whip it out whenever Tupac or Biggie is bumping.

Check the app out at:  www.40cozy.com/pour1out

If the movie is as good as this music video, then Step Brothers is a must see. Will Ferrell and John C. Riley rappin’ and reppin’ hard.

Yep, the title pretty much says it all. Some dude in Fresno just lays a sack of wacky tobaccy on the poker table all nonchalantly, you should check it out:

This guy is ridiculous. Somewhere during this newscast a mother was saying: “Kids, this is why your Uncle Jimmy still lives with Nana.”

Found this video over at the BarleyBlog, pretty damn great Heineken commercial. It’s quite edgy and very funny. Nice find guys!

Not sure if Heineken is good enough to pull me back from the edge. Pretty much any other beer would do the trick though.

Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to introduce everyone’s favorite mac guy, Justin Long, in what may be the role of his lifetime. I just rented and watched the awesome movie: “The Sasquatch Dumpling Gang.” Not only does he drink Pabst (our favorite american beer) and eat Cheetos in this masterpiece, he also beats up high-schoolers and has one of the greatest sidekicks of all time: “Shirts”.

Enjoy the clip below:

I’m going to start making posts of the best links I find on the internets. Hope you enjoy!

Ghetto Prom Pics

You ain’t gettin’ nunna my mustard, foo!

Hey Guidos, get off our island!

Iraqi kid is a straight gangsta

What Marge Simpson wears while ballin and shot-callin

God caught out front of church slangin’ yayo

Our newest design - “The Tux” - can take your cheap beer from trashy to classy, so your 40oz looks more like Don Vito Corleone and less like a late night drunken impulse purchase. Or a late morning drunken impulse purchase.

The Tux looks great and can be rocked at weddings, bachelor parties, formal shindigs, wakes, 80’s prom parties, and any other time you need to gussy up your beer. With three sizes, you have classy outfits for most any size container. Go on and buy one of each: the pint cozy, 12oz wee cozy, or the godfather 40cozy.

Yep, that’s right. With the recent sale of Anheuser-Busch to Belgium brewer InBev, Pabst will become the largest American-owned brewery. What are the god-fearing, gun-toting patriots going to do now that their “All American Lager” is no longer American?
Here’s Stephen Colbert’s reaction to the recent news:

Here’s who owns what many of us might assume are American beers:

SABMiller (South Africa) owns: all Miller beers, Icehouse, Olde English, Mickey’s, Milwaukee’s Best, Henry Weinhard, Leinenkugel …view the full list.

Molson Coors (Canada) owns: all Coors beers, Killian’s, Blue Moon, Keystones, Zima (haha), and more listed here

InBev (Belgium) owns: all products from Budweiser, Michelob, Busch, Natural, Hurricane Malt Liquor, King Cobra, Red Hook, see the full list for InBev here and old Bud brands here R.I.P.

Pabst and Milwaukee are pretty excited about their recent jump up in patriotic appeal, as they’re the largest beer maker that can say their profits remain in the States.

The irony is they don’t own a single brewery- yeah, they contract all beer making out to MillerCoors, a joint venture between SABMiller and Molson Coors. So Pabst isn’t even really brewed by an American company. Dammit.

Well what can we do? Check out this list of the top-rated beers in America. As for the more affordable American-made beers? I’ll try and make a list up for us frugal freedom fighters. Until then, I guess grab yourself one of these:

Now we here at 40cozy don’t recommend the use of drugs…or, wait, do we? I don’t know, I’ll have to look it up in the company handbook. Well if you’re bored this afternoon and curious what brain candy you should buy from the guy in apartment 46B, then take the quiz.

They test on a variety of factors such as your preferred mood, length of experience, your desired effects and undesired maleffects. If you want to believe you’re in a shape-shifting lizard king in a world made of jelly bean tetris blocks, then check this box. If you don’t want to believe that a million tiny Barbara Streisand-headed spiders are eating your flesh, then check this box.

Afraid of lasting brain or organ damage? You can indicate that on the test, eliminating most of the fun ones from your list. What did I want? To be a shape shifting Streisand-headed lizard king eating the jelly bean flesh of a million tetris blocks. The usual.