What started as a “top-notch” and “civilized” wedding turned into a newsworthy disaster, thanks to large amounts of booze and the taser-happy local police. The July 19 wedding reception ended in several arrests, including the bride and groom, whom spent the night with strangers in separate holding cells about 50 feet apart.
Oh that’s not all though. Two days later, they were arrested and shocked with a stun gun a second time. This time I guess the police were responding to a noise complaint.
As a wedding gift, we at 40cozy would like to send you some of our tuxedo beer koozies. Clearly you are passionate about your drinking, and we’d like to salute your dedication. Sorry you two had to be another victim to the recent trend in law-enforcement of sadistically tasing first and asking questions second. Actually, probably laughing in an evil voice second, and then asking questions.
Behold, the newest method to consume large amounts of beer in as little time as possible. We found this over at LiquorSnob.com, and we were sold immediately. From the picture above, you might be thinking: “Dude, I heard Motley Crue injected beer into their forearm and shit, but I don’t think it’s my thing, man.” Chill out, hombre. The next image explains the perfect form in a superior fashion than I can with mere words. Behold:
Here are the written instructions from their website, it’s just three simple steps:
We’re very proud of reaching the 100k mark in just two weeks. That’s the nerdy equivalent of a gold record, right? If you haven’t heard yet, we recently launched pour1out, a free iPhone application.
Pour1out is an iPhone application paying homage to the street tradition of pouring out some of your 40oz to commemorate fallen homies. The main feature is a motion-sensitive 40oz beer bottle that pours out when you tilt the iPhone. Users can select any of 40cozy’s beer koozies to add to the virtual beer. The greatest feedback involves the one-click button that finds the nearest liquor store, utilizing the iPhone’s GPS functionality.
We initially had some glitches in the first version, but I guess that’s what you get when you pay the developer in beer. We’ve released a newer version with better coding and we’ll keep working to improve the app.
While we’ve received some very positive reviews from several beer-drinking sites, it seems some of the iPhone users are slightly less impressed. We’re pretty sure they don’t get the tongue-in-cheek, ironic beauty of an application inspired by a $2.45 beer for a $300 phone. It has a button that finds the nearest liquor stores… and it’s free! Are you not entertained?
Perhaps they think we’re a slick corporate company trying to capitalize on the street cred of the 40oz. Well, we’re not. The app was created by Scott, our resident tech-savvy guy, in under two weeks. He filmed the 40 oz pouring out beer in his garage, dusted off his programming textbook, slapped at a keyboard for a long time, and behold: 40cozy’s pour1out.
We’re proud of it and we hope you enjoy it. We’re already working on another iPhone app for drinkers that’s going to blow every other app out of the water. That’s right, developer bitches, get ready for more genius from 40cozy.
Last weekend we headed up to the Monterey Beer Festival, an all-you-can-drink day party. Now I’ve been to the kind of “festival” where they give you a few tickets for samples. Screw that. If I spend $35, I want to be able to get it back by drinking my weight in delicious microbrews. If you’re looking for a beer festival near you, go to beerfestivals.org. The boys at Thrillist describe the site:
“This constantly-growing directory currently lists 500+ worldwide excuses to swill brews all day, complete with locations, festival links, and “highlights”, which in Helsinki means “international beer celebrities” (Spuds McKenzie? Alex from Strohs? They won’t leave my dog alone with that Medina.).”
To kick off the weekend, we accepted a coworker’s challenge to drink 7 beers on the 1 hour flight (only 40 minutes of drinking time, as you can’t buy beers until the plane levels out). The challenge isn’t so much the drinking, but the sweet talking required to procure 7 beers from the stewardess… I mean “flight attendant” (that’s the PC term right?) I got 5 from the sexy sky siren, Jeff could only manage 3 beers.
I had some delicious beers at the festival, including some very fine brews from Alaskan Brewing Co, He’Brew, Lost Coast, Chau Tien… I’ll write the rest when I can remember them, everything is still a little hazy. Here’s one of the local celebs we ran across:
Afterward, we ended up driving up onto our friends’ lawn in a Volkswagen van with a traveling Canadian metal band (don’t ask how we met up with them, we’re not exactly sure). Our long-haired friends threw an impromptu unplugged show and we drank into the night with a bunch of friends and a dozen or so people who were drawn in by the drunken jam sesh. All in all, I must stress: go to a beer festival this summer and every summer. You won’t be sorry.
Edward 40 Hands is a great time had by all…well, all who can drink two 40’s. If you can’t, read on anyways because we have another option for you. According to wikipedia (the source of all truth) the game is also known as “80 oz to freedom” and “The 40 Challenge.” Whatever you call it, here’s the rules:
1. Have a friend duct tape a 40 oz of malt liquor to each hand (or both hands to one 40oz if you’re taking it easy). The last person to tape in will have a harder time, but with some ingenuity they can manage.
2. Nobody can remove the 40’s from their hands until they’re finished drinking all 80 ounces of beer.
That’s it, those essentially are the two official rules. You can add some competition to the game by racing to finish, but completing the game is a solid accomplishment, so I wouldn’t worry about racing. You are allowed to go to the bathroom, answer the phone, have a smoke, whatever - that is, as long as your hands are still taped to those quickly-warming 40oz beers. If you can do that, cheers. It’s funny though, I’ve seen some very awkward times when a slow-drinking gent has to request a male friend to pull his pants zipper down. And that’s really just half the battle to emptying the bladder. The other half requires a weird wiggle dance…I guess you’ll figure it out if you have to.
The true beauty of the 40cozy is displayed when you use two 40cozy’s, one on each hand. With these on your paws, you’ll be able to take as long as you want, as your beer won’t become warm for a long time. The only thing that will rush your drinking is the increasing urge to urinate.
Don’t worry about the duct tape ruining the 40cozy’s, they come out looking great afterward. Next time you and your friends are sitting around with nothing to do, go buy a case of 40’s and strap up. Drink strong!
We are happy to introduce our brand new iPhone app, pour1out:
What the app does:
- Ran out of beer and want to keep the party going? Simply press a button and pour1out will find the nearest liquor store.
- Wanna pour one out for a homie but don’t have a 40oz nearby? The beer on the screen behaves like real beer thanks to the iPhone sensors, so just tilt the iPhone and watch the malt liquor pour on out. Convince everyone that just because you spent $200 on a phone doesn’t mean you’re not “street” (even though I’m pretty sure it does). Whip it out whenever Tupac or Biggie is bumping.
Yep, the title pretty much says it all. Some dude in Fresno just lays a sack of wacky tobaccy on the poker table all nonchalantly, you should check it out:
This guy is ridiculous. Somewhere during this newscast a mother was saying: “Kids, this is why your Uncle Jimmy still lives with Nana.”
